Thinking of What Could Have Happened Sucks
by Katou Michinzu
Summary: What would have happened if Okita Mitsuba wouldn't have died? What would have the demonic vice-commander done?


**Disclaimer:** No.

**A/N:** I'm actually quite surprise that no one's written a fic like this yet. Either that, or I simply haven't found one. Since that stupid arc almost succeeded with making me cry, I might as well write this.

Oh. By the way, I suggest you watch "Gintama - Sougo's sister death scene" on youtube first before you read this. Just a suggestion. Or maybe listen to the song "Save Your Heart" by Mayday Parade as you read this. Or maybe both. Yeah, doing both of those are good.

**« x »**

**Thinking of What Could Have Happened Sucks**

She lost her grip, her hand slid down motionlessly. He knew that she was already gone. But he still caught it desperately with both of his hands with scared eyes, and gently placed it upon his face once again.

Okita Sougo, the king of sadists, has never looked so much younger. He looked like a child again as he sobbed quietly.

This was the last time he could ever be with his sister.

His sandy-brown bangs covered his eyes as he looked down, tears slowly streaming down his face.

"Aneue, don't go... Please." he pleaded. But it was too late. His sister was gone. Forever.

At that moment, he wanted nothing more rather than to disappear himself, it was too painful to bear.

His couldn't help but feel guilty as well. Even though she said that he did nothing wrong, he could never bring himself to believe that. It can't be helped. He left her in that town, all by herself, ill. Why haven't they just brought her along? If they had, maybe she wouldn't be so sick that she'd have to die, maybe she could have never met that rich bastard, they would have been so much happier.

Maybe.

But they didn't. That wasn't what happened, and nothing could change that.

Something must have happened. He doesn't know. He was too tired to feel anything else other than remorse. Too numb to care about his surroundings. Therefore, a range of doctors and nurses flooding into the room into the room caught him off guard. What the hell were they doing? Aren't they supposed to give them some privacy? Yet he was too weak to open his mouth to protest, too tired to question why, even if he wanted to stay by his sister's side for a while longer. Somehow, he was now outside her room, he was probably pushed onto coming here.

Okita Sougo curled up his hands into fists, beating them into the window. What the hell is happening?

Kondou-san was by his side, it was obvious that he had cried too. Although the commander's eyes flickered for a moment as he gave him a look, which confused him.

The brown-headed man gave him a pat on the back, saying "Everything's going to be okay."

He didn't understand what he meant by that, so he simply nodded.

But nothing's okay. Nothing's okay at all.

**« x »**

The police officer took another bite out of the extra spicy senbei, muttering about it being so spicy that it had cause him to cry.

"Ugh.. so spicy, damn it."

And yet he kept eating.

He heard the door cringing open. Hijikata turned his head ever so slowly to see who it was.

It was Sougo.

"..."

"What is it?" he asked coldly.

His personal assassin stared lifelessly to the floor as he answered, "Hijikata-san... Please come with me."

"..Why?"

He dreaded of what the crimson-eyed young man was going to say, even if he did know. But even knowing about it already doesn't help at all.

The sound of a wall being punched by a fist was the only thing that kept things from being quiet. Blood slowly dripped from the sadist's knuckles to his arm, until it dropped all the way to the floor.

"Hijikata-san, come with me." he repeated.

This time, he obliged without saying anything else. It had been a horrible day. Probably the worst.

He followed the first division captain all the way to the outside of her room. The Shinsengumi group was there too, looking down in sorrow. He had also noticed that the Yorozuya bastard had come along.

Of course. He just had to see this. He was going to see her on her deathbed wasn't he? It might have been Kondou-san that requested for him to be called out.

As they reached their destination, they were simply greeted by complete silence. The door to her room was suddenly opened, revealing a doctor.

What was happening?

"How was.. it?" Kondou began.

The doctor lifted up his head, showing a smile, "She's alright now. Still sick of course, but she'll live."

What?

"R-Really?" Sougo stammered, his eyes wide open. The young man was gritting his teeth as he desperately waited for the doctor's response in anticipation.

He couldn't blame him. He was hanging onto every word himself. Even if he had no clue of the current situation.

"Yes, really. It's a miracle for this kind of thing to happen."

It was all he needed to hear. He did not expected to hear a news such as this. He fell to his knees, his hands on the floor.

"She's a-alive? ..She's fine.. She's alright." he murmured to himself.

Maybe this was all a trick. But at the moment, be it a lie or not, the feeling of relief and joy washed over him. With his current state of mind, he can believe anything.

**« x »**

She squinted her eyes, then closed it again as an attempt to fall back to sleep. She was feeling tired and very weak. But to no avail, she couldn't. She was a little dazed, but she was awake.

She shifted to her left side. She still felt uncomfortable. She shifted back to her former position, then looked to her right. With widened eyes, she exclaimed in a hushed whisper, "Toshirou-san?"

"Mm..." he muttered irritatedly. She couldn't help but to let out a faint giggle. How cute.

There, he sat, slumped down in a chair, his arms folded over his chest, by the bed beside her. His shoulders were hunched with tension and there were dark circles under his eyes, seeming awfully tired.

Not wanting to bother him, she decided to sit up instead. Bad idea, her hand found its way over her forehead, she felt dizzy, everything was spinning around her. She stayed in a sitting position and leaned onto the front of the bed.

Slowly, she opened her eyes again, scanning the area. She was in a... hospital room?

She began breathing heavily, remembering of her supposed last talk with her brother. Wasn't she supposed to be dead? What was she doing here?

She scanned the area again, finding out that her younger brother was also in the room. He was sleeping soundly by the dark corner, hunched down in a chair too. She brought up her hands in front, and then pinched herself. It hurt. And she was still here.

Relief course through her as a smile formed on her face. She was alive. Her shoulders shook as she covered her own mouth with her hands in an effort to silence her sobs.

"..Wh-wh-what?" a voice sputtered. The black-haired man, who stood up in surprise, stared at her for a moment, and with a confused and worried look, he questioned wearily, "M-Mitsuba, why are you crying..?"

Mitsuba quickly wiped her tears away as she answered, "..I-I'm alive."

She was prepared to die, she had accepted it, even. Yet she's overjoyed to find herself alive, nonetheless. Whether she had accepted it or not, she was still scared, of course.

Hijikata Toshirou's face softened at her response.

"Oh.. Uh well, I'll go tell Kondou-san that you've woken up. Sougo's here, so he'll look after you." He was avoiding her gaze as he said that. Then he turned to make his leave.

"Toshirou-san, were you and Sou-chan looking out for me the whole time I was here?" And just how long was she here?, she wanted to add.

Hijikata stopped in his tracks, he was already by the door. Without turning back to face her, he replied "Yeah.. All night." He didn't bother to inform her that he had just drifted off to sleep a few minutes before she woke up, which explained his eyebugs.

Her smile widened. "Thank you."

The cerulean-eyed man simply nodded in response.

"Toshirou-san.. May I have a request?" she called out.

His attempt to leave was once again interrupted. "Sure, what is it?"

"Can you stay here for a little longer? It would be nice to have someone to talk to."

Hijikata stayed put in his place as he seemed to contemplate about this for a moment. Reluctantly, he accepted her request and sat back down on his chair by her bed.

Their conversation started out of as to what happened the past few hours. Mitsuba had learned that after her supposed death, a nurse by the window saw her heart beating once again on the screen. The details given were a little confusing, yet it was understood that they had immediately performed surgery. She was still very ill, but now she still has a chance of being cured. It was a miracle, they said.

There really was nothing more relevant to talk about after that. Therefore, silence filled the room as neither of them have spoken another word. Toshirou sat still as he pretended to not be bothered by the uncomfortable atmosphere. She had noticed that even after that, he still refused to look at her as if he was afraid to.

She saw him reaching for his pocket, before stopping midway.

"What is it?" she asked innocently.

"Huh? Oh, it's nothing.. I was just going to take a smoke.." he said in an undertone.

"Ah, right. You smoke." said Mitsuba in her usual, kind voice.

"Sorry.." he mumbled.

"Huh?" The sandy-blonde haired woman blinked several times obliviously. Why did he apologize?

_Oh._

"Ah.. You shouldn't apologize for that." She waved her hands as she tried to convince him, she had nothing against smokers. She simply tried to start a conversation.

"Well, even so... It's not allowed to do so in a hospital... And it isn't good for your health."

"That's alright."

"..."

"..."

They were once again back to the gloomy, unsettling atmosphere. This was hard. But this was the moment she has been waiting for, wasn't it? A chance to see him once more, for them to talk again, just like old times, right? She wanted to keep talking to him. But what's there to talk about?

"A..A lot of things have happened in the past few years, don't you think so? Everyone has become so much stronger and well-known." she started.

"You changed too."

"Hm?" she mused.

"Your hair."

"Ah.." her hand subsconsciously touched the back of her head. Her long beautiful, hair was now cut to a short hairdo.

"Sorry about that. Many people did point out that I looked better with longer hair. Although I wanted to try something new."

"N-No, it's.. You still look as pretty anyway."

Upon that statement, blood crept up onto her face, and soon she was blushing. Mitsuba averted her gaze embarrassingly. Little did she know that Toshirou's face was now red as well. His mouth quivered as he turned the other way around.

"Well.. Thank you."

"..It's nothing."

Mitsuba looked around bashfully. The unexpected turn of events shocked her, maybe a little too much.

After a minute or two, she decided to gaze back upon the raven-haired man. In which, to her surprise, he was returning her gaze.

They locked eyes, as the both of them said the other's name at the same time.

They stopped. It was Hijikata who started this time.

"You first."

"No.. it isn't.. I mean.. What were you going to say, Toshirou-san?"

He was about to open his mouth in an attempt to protest, but he knew better. Therefore, he began to take a deep breath, his hands formed into fists, laying on his lap.

"Mitsuba, I'm sorry.." he lowered his head, ashamed. He was also trembling.

Mitsuba's heart sunk low at the sight of this.

"Sorry..?"

Mitsuba pursed her lips, not knowing of what else to say. She stared down at her hands.

With a low and serious voice, she stated "You didn't do anything wrong, so why would you apologize?"

He gritted his teeth before saying, "..I lied to you. It was a lie and I'm sorry for that. I thought it'd be better that way."

"A lie?" she repeated, confused.

Toshirou looked up at her sadly. It seemed that he was at a loss for words.

"I.. Back in the country, before I left. The night before exactly.."

She narrowed her eyes sadly. It was the night she confessed, the night where she asked of him if she could have come along instead.

It was the night he had rejected her.

"I just want to say... The words that I said that day, was all a lie. I didn't mean it." And with that, before she can even fully comprehend of what he said, the raven-haired police officer stood up straight, heading directly towards the door.

"Toshirou-san, wai-" she reached out her hand hurriedly, yet her words were interrupted by her coughing up. Her right hand held her chest, as the other clutched onto the blanket for support.

"O-Oi!" a voice exclaimed by her side. It was him. He came back.

He placed his hand on her back, patting softly. Slowly, her fits of coughs calmed down.

He positioned her carefully against the frame of her bed.

"A-Are you alright? Should I call a nurse or something?"

"T-Tell me.. what exactly do you mean by that, Toshirou-san.." she stuttered weakly, paying no heed to his questions.

"..Not right now, you haven't answered my question yet and-"

His eyes narrowed down to his shirt, a hand on top of it. She looked up at him expectantly.

He again took a deep breath.

"It was a lie. Why the hell wouldn't I want to be by your side?"

Unintentionally, she had let go of his shirt as she let out a faint smile, blushing.

Toshirou was now pouting as he looked away in embarrassment for the umpteenth time that day.

As she stopped, she closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying the calmness that she was feeling.

"You still haven't changed, Toshirou-san."

"But... I'm glad to have heard that.. really glad." she continued.

She opened one eye to peek, seeing her old friend with a weary smile plastered on his face.

"I'm glad too."

...

...

"I.."

"Aneue, you're awake!" someone cheered. He quickly went to her side as he puts on a goofy smile.

Keeping her smile, she patted him on the head.

"Oh, Sou-chan. You're awake." she replied kindly.

He chuckled sweetly, his personality converting into the sweet, innocent, little brother type.

"I'm glad you're fine."

The sandy-blond officer turned to his superior.

"Hm? Hijikata-san, why are you still here? Go away, your face is sickening."

"Sou-chan, be polite."

"Ah, sorry. Hijikata-san, please go away."

His sister couldn't help but to laugh.

The raven-haired samurai sighed.

"Don't worry, I was about to leave anyway."

He gave Mitsuba one last look before heading to the door.

"Eh?" he muttered when he reached the door.

"Mitsuba-donooo!" Kondou came rustling in with a teary-eyed, happy expression.

"Eh? Kondou-san?"

Along with him came Yamazaki and Gintoki as well.

"Eh? Fukuchou, you're leaving already?" asked Yamazaki.

Gintoki let out a smirk.

"What's wrong, Hijikata-kun? Huh? Wait, you're red." he teased.

"That's just because of the spicy senbei, you bastard."

And he left.

Okita Sougo kept his gaze on the closed door, glaring at it. He knew he shouldn't be mad but he can't help it.

He couldn't help but to interrupt.

As if that's going to change anything though.

**« x »**

Her eyes darted around different kinds of shops. They all seemed wonderful.

She was window shopping. It was a good stress reliever. After weeks of her recovery, Mitsuba could finally leave the hospital. Many people were worried about her health, but going out from time to time would be good for her.

"..Toushirou-san, let's take a look in that shop."

He lifted his head up to meet her eyes, then quickly avoided her gaze right after.

"..Sure."

And the so called demon vice-commander. It seemed that they couldn't just let her go off alone. She understood that. Although the fact that it was Toushirou who accompanied her instead of her little brother was something she didn't expect.

When she asked about this, he simply said that that brat was finally doing his job without lazing off and he didn't want him to stop doing so. (She had guessed that it was probably because Sougo was in such a good mood that he was working hard, and it was likely that he would start lazing off again after some time). Her younger brother also seemed to only know that she was still resting at home.

As she entered the store, Mitsuba started scanning the rack filled with kimono, and coming to have taken interest in one..

"Ah! Do you like that one?" a sales lady appeared by her side.

"Oh, I was just looking around," she informed kindly as she still held onto it. It was a simple kimono designed with patterns of flowers that reminded her of the ones back in the country, colored with shades of light and dark blue.

"Are you sure? Why not try it on?" the sales lady tried to convince her, to which Mitsuba accepted as a good idea and decided to atleast try it on.

**« x »**

He was waiting for her to put the kimono she seemed interested in on. And as he did so, his thoughts about leaving on the job pre-occupied him. He was in the middle of patrol as he saw Mistuba, saying that she was going out for a while, and he couldn't help but to make up an excuse as stupid as being ordered to come along to watch over her. Really, it was idiotic. And it was unlike him.

Wasn't he ignoring her existence just a few weeks ago? Now, he was the one being by her side as much as possible. He's surprised that Sougo has not cut off his head yet for always visiting her at the hospital.

Hijikata face palmed. Really, what the hell was he doing?

Her heard someone giggling. It was the sales lady, to which he simply ignored.

"Well.. how is it?" he heard her ask quietly. He turned around, only to mumble a curse. Because shit, she was beautiful. One arm of hers held the other bashfully, eyes looking around but him.

"You look lovely!" the sales lady informed encouragingly.

The raven-haired samurai looked down as he said in a hushed whisper, "It suits you."

And that answer somehow made her day.

It was him who decided to pay for the kimono, she tried to convince him that it wasn't necessary. But he didn't listen, of course.

After that, they continued with walking around the district. At some point they had a light snack, with the addition of their favourite condiments. A lot of people stared at the couple disbelievingly, but that didn't matter to them.

The unsettling tension between them gradually died down. And they were actually having normal conversations, just like back then. It was already night time when they returned.

Mitsuba fumbled with holding her bag, wearing a clumsy smile.

"Thank you for accompanying me this afternoon, Toushirou-san."

At this moment, he was supposed to be letting out a smoke from his cigarette as he simply nodded. He hadn't been smoking whenever he's with her.

So instead, he simply shrugged and said, "It's nothing. Good night."

That was supposed to be it. After that he was supposed to be leaving and have his normal, daily routine continue. She wasn't supposed to kiss his cheek so suddenly before mumbling a good night back. That wasn't it.

But then again, this whole thing was nothing he had ever imagined to happen.

Left alone outside, he took out his lighters as he lit up his cigarette.

After having a smoke, a smile curled on his lips as he turned to leave.

And he was alright with that.

**« x »**


End file.
